Who?

I'm a spending-amnesia
I'm a serial-infatuator
I suffer eater's remorse
I have push pen anxiety
I'm not same as slide to unlock
I send maintenance texts to some people
I'm a cinephile
I'm not a bail whale
I'm nervous when I'm in text purgatory
I do ugly cry sometimes
I dont have dissociative facebook identity disorder
I do emoticon job
I take emotional dump on my best friends
I'm a brosama bin laden
I have some unrequited besties
I'm not a netglow
I look back in fucking retrospect
I experience bed gravity every morning
I do flexting
I like making a powerpuff presentation
I hate it when my phone is about to die
I do cold finger in facebook
I have my screen saver on when I don't do anything
I get googleheimer's
I'm not a sympathy seeker
I pretext to avoid awkward situation
I dont do brand dropping
I have message anxiety
I'm a productive procrastination
I'm not a social chameleon
I send status texting to my best friends
I do smartphone shuffling
I do masturdating
I hate text killer
I'm not chauncey-type
I hate dipshit
I hate a guy with his booty grazing ways
I have midnight munchies when I can't sleep
I'm a good lens with bad frame